I Love You But I Wish I Didn't
by Love is Fearless
Summary: Draco and Ellen are both in their first year at Hogwarts.Ellen is muggle-born, Draco is Pure-blood.Draco knows that he's supposed to hate muggle borns but he can't help being intrigued by Ellen and her happy nature.But what happens when they fall in love?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story is dedicated to my cousin who is in love with Draco (and Zayne Malik!). But I hope you enjoy it aswell. I've never done a story from an OCs POV before, or from Dracos either so reviews and tips and constructive critisism are welcomed. Read, Review and Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: All rights of Harry Potter go to the brilliant J.K Rowling. I am not claiming them, I only want to mess with her original characters and make them do what I want! lol :D**

**_First Meeting._  
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**Ellen POV**

I am so excited. I look all around me as I make my way to the great hall to be sorted. I am surrounded by other first years chatting excitedly about some famous Harry Potter boy who I've never heard of before in my life. I notice a blond guy boasting loudly to anyone who'd listen about his rich, pure blood wizarding family. My eyes are fixed to his face. He has ice cold, grey eyes and his white blond hair frames his face. He is gorgeous! I quickly look away before he, or anyone else for that matter, catches me staring at his beautiful face.

I walk alone, fascinated by all the magical moving pictures. I only found out a few weeks ago that I was a wizard. I received my letter only a few weeks ago and now I'm in Hogwarts, the best school of whichcraft and wizardry in the world. A girl with bush brown hair and large front teeth walks over to me.

"Hello, I'm Hermione Granger. What's your name?" she asks. She looked shy but there was deffinitely excitement shining in her eyes.

"I'm Ellen, Ellen Malik." I reply.

"Oh. My. God! Are you a descendant of Annah Malik, one of the first witches ever to receive her Hogwarts letter? The only witch ever to make the house team in first year? The witch that went on to be the first and, to this day, the only headmistress of Hogwarts?" Hermione asks, sounding super excited and extremely knowlegable. Unfortnately I have to shake my head.

"No, I don't think that's even possible. I'm muggle born." I say, looking away.

"Oh, so am I." Hermione smiles and walks on.

I notice the beautiful blond guy that I was staring at earlier walking behind me.

"So, you're muggle born? Father says muggle borns shouldn't even be allowed in. I'm a pure blood. All my family are rich, pure blood witches and wizards! I'm going to be in Slytherin house, all my family have been. What house do you want to be in? I'd hate to be in Hufflepuff. That's where all the dimwits go. Take Longbottom for example!" says Malfoy sneering at a large boy looking desperately for his pet frog. I'm so glad I bought an owl. The hot blond, whos name is still unknown, clears his throat indicating that he's waiting for me to speak. I don't even know why he's talking to me. Did he notice me staring? Crap!

"Yes, I am muggle born, not that that makes much difference to our wizarding abilities, I can and I will be just as good as you! I hear pure bloods are full of them selves, not to mention extremely snobby. I'm beginning to think I've been informed correctly. I would love to be in Griffindor, where lay the brave at heart! I hear it's the best house of them all. Did you know Voldemort came out of Slytherin? I'm just happy to be here and I don't care what house I'm in but I'm beginning to hope it's not Slytherin! Leave that boy alone too, it's not as if you know him!" I tell him indignantly. He thinks he's so cool just because he comes from an all wizarding family. Ugh!

"Oh, feisty little thing, aren't you? Yes, why of course I knew Lord Voldemort came from Slytherin. He was the greatest Wizard of all time. I'm not snobby, I just know I'm better than you, so bring it on! I'm Malfoy by the way. Draco Malfoy," says Malfoy.

"Get ready to be beaten by a girl then. I'm Irish. Us Irish always put up a good fight. Not to mention we're class!"

**Draco POV**

Oh my Gosh. Her eyes. Those eyes. I feel myself gazing into them and shake myself out of it. She's nothing but a stupid little muggle. Oh but Gosh she's beautiful. Her blue grey eyes are so deep I find myself almost drowning in them. Her wavy brown hair falls like a beautiful dark, fluffy cloud around her beautiful heart shaped face. Her robes hung just right on her slim body and... Oh my gosh what am I doing! She's a muggle born, a mudblood. I don't even know her and what I've seen of her she seems to be feisty and proud. Now it's her turn to clean her throat.

"What?" I mutter icily, annoyed with the thoughts that were running through my head about her beauty.

"You were staring!" Ellen smirks.

"Was not," I say, glaring at her pretty little face.

"Yes you were!" Ellen exclaims before sticking her tongue out at me.

"Don't flatter yourself, dear, I was just looking at the mess of your hair." I mutter nastily before sauntering off to wait with Crabbe and Goyle.

That was probably a low blow for a girl and I did feel bad, kind of, but I needed to get away from her. I could not stay in her presence without staring and I could not stare and stay in her presence so leaving was my only option.

After another fifteen minute wait a middle aged witch with black hair, glases and green robes, who I know to be Professor McGonegal, announced that it was time to be sorted.

"The sorting ceremony will begin momentarily." She stated.

**A/N: OK, well? How did I do? Good? Great? Terrible? (please don't say terrible, lol :D) Did you enjoy it? What would you like to see happen in future chapters? First five reviewers get a sneak peak of the second chapter if you deem it worth of continuation! :D Thanks for reading :) **

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	2. The Sorting Ceremony

**A/N: I'd like to thank PrettyKittyPryde for being for giving me my first review and some good ideas for this chapter :D thanks!**

_**Disclaimer: I donnot own harry potter at all!**_

_**The Sorting Cermony**_

**Ellen POV**

All the first years are lined up against the right wall in the grand hall. I stare at the ground nervously. A girl walks up beside me, looking very nervous.

"Hi, I'm Ellen Malik." I say, grinning at the nervous looking girl.

"Hello, I'm Sarah Mee, are you as nervous as I am?" she asks. I smile at her encouragingly and shake my head. She seems nice. I notice Draco acting arogant a few people back. Even though he's a stupid, obnoxious guy he's undeniably hot!

"Yeah, I'm nervous. I really want to get into Griffindor, what about you?" I ask.

"I'd like to be in Griffindor or Ravenclaw. They're both supposed to be brilliant houses," Sarah says. "Did you study before coming here?"

"Um, no, should I have?" I ask, nervous now.

"Oh, no. I did, they were really interesting. I just wanted a little boost, you know? I'm muggle born so..." Sarah says, looking as if she wished she'd said nothing. I smile at her, letting her know I was fine.

"I'm muggle born too." I tell her. Finally Professor McGonegal, starts to speak.

"The start of year feast is to begin shortly, but first we must sort our new first years into their houses. Let the sorting ceremony begin."

An old, battered hat is placed on a chair.

"That's the sorting hat. It's the smartest hat in the world," Sarah whispers to me.

Suddenly the sorting hat started to sing:

_Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,_

_But don't judge on what you see,_

_I'll eat myself if you can find_

_A smarter hat than me._

_You can keep your bowlers black,_

_Your top hats sleek and tall,_

_For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat_

_And I can top them all._

_There's nothing hidden in your head_

_The Sorting Hat can't see,_

_So try me on and I will tell you_

_Where you ought to be._

_You might belong in Gryffindor,_

_Where dwell the brave at heart,_

_Their daring, nerve and chivalry_

_Set Gryffindors apart;_

_You might belong in Hufflepuff,_

_Where they are just and loyal,_

_Those patient Hufflepuffs are true_

_And unafraid of toil;_

_Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,_

_If you've a steady mind,_

_Where those of wit and learning,_

_Will always find their kind;_

_Or perhaps in Slytherin_

_You'll make your real friends,_

_Those cunning folk use any means_

_To achieve their ends._

_So put me on! Don't be afraid!_

_And don't get in a flap!_

_You're in safe hands (though I have none)_

_For I'm a Thinking Cap!_

When the sorting hat was finished the hall erupted into a round of aplauds and cheers. I clap along with the crowed. Draco catches my eye but looks away so quick I couldn't be sure the eye contact was there at all.

Finally Professor McGonegal began to talk:

"The time has come to sort our new first years into their houses... Abotte Hannah," A brown haired girl stumbled up the line to the top of the great hall. The hat was placed on her head.

"Hufflepuf!" It shouted and the girl made her way over to the Hufflepuf table.

. . . . . . . . .

"Malik, Ellen." McGonegal calls out. I walk up to the stool nervously. The hat is placed on my head.

_Hm... Who have we got here. Reasonably clever. Proud. Able to stand up for herself. Stong minded. Vain. But Where to put you. Slytherin? But your not mean. Hm... Better be... __**Griffindor. **_

Yay! I skip over to the Griffindor table happily. Then Draco's called. I can't help but stare. had barely brushed the top of his head when it yelled 'Slytherin'. I can't help but feel disappointed.

The Harry Potter Everyone is on about was also in Griffindor. So was Hermione `and the red haired boy I noticed in the line earlier. The one Sarah was staring at earlier. Sarah is put in Ravenclaw.

Dumbledore stands up and the hall goes quiet.

"Let the feast begin."

The tables are filled with food and I tuck in.

**Draco POV**

I can't stop staring. I shake my head, prying my eyes away from her. How can I be so intrigued my a stupid muggle who I've only known for a few hours. Ugh. I'm absoloutely discusted with myself. What would father think if he knew how I felt? How did I feel? I didn't feel anything for the stupid little girl!

I pile my plate to take my mind of Ellen but she still tormented my every thought. Snape grins at me from the head table. My father and Snape are quite good friends and he often came over to Malfoy Manor. I grin back before returning to my untouched food.

"Are you going to eat that?" Goyle asks.

"Nope," I mutter, poppimg the P. I was starving earlier but my hunger has faded completely!

"Can I have it?" he asks gruffly.

"Go ahead you fat oaf. Couldn't you just get something off of the table?" I mutter, annoyed.

"Yours looked nicer." he whines. I just give him a dirty look and scowl at the table. Finally Dubledore stands up and the hall falls silent once again.

"I hope you enjoyed your meal," he says clapping his hands and clearing the deserts of the tables. "I'm not going to keep you long. Everyone knows the rules. Noforbidden Forrest. I just want to say one more thing before you go to yor dorms. TIDDELI WINKS." The hall erupts in laughter. I roll my eyes.

"Pathetic." I mutrter before leaving for my dorm.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed it :D Please review **

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	3. First Classes

**A/N: Thankyou everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter :) I hope you enjoy this Chapter :D please read and review :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to harry potter (unfortunately :() I enjoy using her materials to write with :P**

**_First Classes_  
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**Ellen POV**

I get up at seven AM and get ready for my first day of classes at Hogwarts. Hermione get's up too and get's dressed also. I smile at her and she smiles back.

"I am so excited for today, our first day of classes. I can't wait to get my time-table! Let's go down to the Great Hall now and get them!" I say happily, grabbing Hermiones arm and pulling her down the staircase and out through the portraight of the Fat Lady. Hermione looks flustered

"Would you mind letting go of me please." She says, sounding slightly nervous. I laugh and let go.

"Sorry, I was only messing with you, that's what friends do!" I say, trying to put the message across that I was her friend now.

"How can you be my friend when I barely know you?" Hermione asks trying to work out whether or not she should accept our friendship.

"Yeah, I know but you seem class!" I say, she looks at me questioningly. "Class means cool, or awesome!" I say through giggles.

We reach the great hall and sit at the Gryffindor table beside two boys I believe to be called Harry and Ron.

"Hi!" I smile and Hermione smiles at them shyly.

"Hi!" Said Harry and Ron grinned. I catch Sarahs eye and grin, she waves before sitting down at the Ravenclaw table.

The tables are full with every breakfast food you can imagine. Toast, biscuits, tea, coffee, hot chocolate, every kind of cereal! It's amazing! Harry and Ron fill their plates to the brim. I laugh taking pancakes and hot chocolate.

"Delicious," I say licking my lips. When everyone is finished the timetables are handed out. I take mine eagerly and read it through thoroughly.

"Yay!" I say happily. Harry, who is sitting on the other side of me, grins at me and I grin back.

"Happy with it, I'm guessing. Same here, though I don't have a clue what to do in any of the classes!" Harry laughs. Ron smiles encouragingly. "Don't worry no-one does." he says reasuringly, grinning excitedly.

"Thanks Ron, but Harry, didn't you defeat You Know Who, or the Dark Lord or whatever you want to call him,when you were just a baby?" I ask, slightly confused as to how and why he is nervous considering he already defeated the most powerful dark wizards of all time and had a magical upbringing.

"Yes but I didn't defeat him on purpose and he killed my parents and I was brought up by my muggle relations." Harry explains, looking away upset.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know Harry!" I apologise.

"It's fine. I can't remember any of it." he says and I smile apologetically back at him.

"Let's go then. " he says grinning at Ron and I. I smile at Hermione but she stays put. I walk off with Harry and Ron on either side of me. We head back to the dorms to grab our books and stuff for our classes.

We head to transifigeration with Professor McGonegal and the Ravenclaws. We arrive late but to our immense relief McGonegal isn't there. We let out a sigh of relief.

"Could you imagen the look on McGonegals face if we were late?" bRon whispers

Hermione gives us a dirty look and the cat is sitting on McGonegals table pounces and to our shock transforms into McGonegal, landing at our feet.

"That was bloody brilliant!" Ron exclaims in amazement.

"Thankyou for that assesment Mr Weasley, maybe I'd be better off transfigering you, Mr Potter or Miss Malik here into a pocket watch. Maybe that way one of you would be on time!" says McGonegal.

"We got lost, Professor." Harry explains. I'm just standing trying not to laugh at them.

"Then prehaps a map! I presume you don't need one to find your seats."

"No professor." We reply in unison.

I slip into a two person desk and Harry sits in beside me, Ron is left with the last empy desk beside a pretty girl with blondy brown hair and bright blue eyes who I recognise from the sorting ceremony to be a girl named Sarah Mee. Her and Ron start chatting and I Harry and I start chatting quietly too, but only about what McGonegal is trying to teach us.

"We can't really do a lot today since you barely know how to use your wands but I'll start teaching you how to turn a match-stick into a needle."

We spend the next half an hour tryin to accomplish. Harry and I turned our matchstick a silver colour and it was deffinitely slightly harder but it was neither metal nor sharp. Hermione and her partner,Lavender Brown accomplished it (though Lavender didn't look to have done much) and McGonegal awarded are house ten points for that and Sarah and Ron also accomplished it (Sarah putting most of the effort in for that one). Seamus Finnigan blew up his match stick. When the bell rang we grabbed our books and headed down to the greenhouses for Herbology, again with the Ravenclaws. I don't know why but for some reason I really want a class with Slytherin. I want to see Draco again. The stupid, arrogant, cocky, gorgeous annoyance!

**Draco POV**

I am in charms with flitwick and the hufflepuffs. I yawn as he tries to teach the dim people a simple wand movement most of us Slytherins mastered ages ago. I am talking to Goyle about how suprised I am that Longbottom made it into Gryffindor. I would have sworn he'd be a Hufflepuff, I heard his Grandmother believed he was a dirty little squib for years.

I can't get Ellen out of my head. She was just sitting at the Gryffindor table chatting to perfect Potter and his new best pal, Weasley. I hear Weasleys father is a stupid muggle lover! I laugh to myself. Goyle is still trying to get the stupid movement. All you have to do is bring it up a bit then lower it quickly so that it makes a swishing noise.

"Malfoy, help someone who is having difficulty if you have nothing better to do." Professor Flitwick tells me while trying to put out a fire someone lit accidentaly by swishing his wand wrong. I laugh and go over to a pretty blond girl who is having great difficulty.

"So, your kind of rubbish, aren't you?" I tell her. She turns beet red and I chuckle.

"Um, um... no, um... I don't..kn-know how t-to do i-it yet." she murmers looking scared.

"Yes, that's obvious. You're doing a terrible job. That is the worst attempt I've ever seen. Are you sure you're even trying you stupig little mudblood?" I ask her. she whimpers and tears start rolling down her little pink cheeks. Flitwick doesn't notice at all and the girl makes no attempt to tell him.

"M-my great grandmother w-was a witch." she says as if trying to prove something.

" And what? She married a muggle and her daughter, your mother, was a squib then she married a stupid muggle and had you and you magically got accepted at hogwarts? Is that right? Well I think Hogwarts made a huge mistake letting a stupid little sqib like you in." I tell her, upsetting her further. She yelps and Flitwick turns around. I put my hand on her shoulder.

"She's very upset she can't get it." I lie, "Isn't that right?" I say looking at the terrified, sobbing girl. She nods.

"Well don't worry dear, it takes time." says Flitwick and I resist the urge to laugh. "Thankyou for being so kind and caring Mr Malfoy. Twenty points to Slytherin house." I smile smugly. The bell rings and I head down to care of magical creature with the stupid hufflepuffs, again. I cannot wait untill lunch because afterwards we have D.A.D.A and Potions, with Ellen, I mean Gryffindor.

**A/N: Thanks for reading, please review, it makes my day and only takes a few seconds :D**

**xxx**


	4. True Feelings

**A/N:** So I've been up half the night writing this chapter. It's now 4:15 AM... i HOPE YOU LOVE THIS CHAPTER AS MUCH AS I LOVED WRITING IT! PLEASE REVIEW :D

_**True Feelings**_

**Ellen POV**

I walk down the corridor with Ron and Harry, looking forward to my first class of Defence Against The Dark Arts, the fact that it's with Slytherins isn't even dampening my mood and for some strange reason I couldn't wait to see Draco again. Ron and Harry were moaning about the amount of homework they received from Professor McGonegal so I walk on a head of them. I absent mindedly think about how great D.A.D.A is going to be, real defensive magic used to actually protect you. I hope I never have to use it, ever, but it will still be fun to learn. I accidentally crash into the person in front of me and I look up to see piercing, ice grey eyes glaring at me.

"Watch it, Malik," he snapped, his face cold and hard. I look up at him, about to apologise but then I think better of it, I didn't mean to bang into him and he didn't have to be so rude about it. It was an accident. I look into his cold eyes and try to defrost them with my clear blue ones but he stays glaring at me.

"Hello to you to, Draco. How nice to see you again," I say sarcastically.

"The feeling's not mutual," spits Malfoy, obviously either not noticing or plainly ignoring my sarcastic tone.

I glare straight back at him now, anger rising inside of me. I push passed him. By the time I reach the class room I'm fuming. How Dare he treat me like I was just a piece of dirt that fell of his shoe? He may walk over everyone else with his head held high like some Greek god waiting for worship but if he thought I'd stand for his crap he was wrong, very wrong.

Defence Against The Dark Arts was nothing like I'd expected. Professor Quirrel was a stuttering idiot and a terrible teacher and his class room reeked of garlic. I could hardly breath the stench was so bad. We didn't cast any spells either, we didn't even learn a spell we could cast which was a great pity because I really wanted to hex Draco Malfoy. His arrogant, obnoxious attitude towards every one was really getting on my nerves.

Ellen walked down to the dungeons for Potions with Snape. Snape is head of the Slytherin house and rumour has it that he favoured Slytherins over everyone else. So far I haven't seen any favouritism. McGonegal is our Head of House but she definitely didn't favour us over the Ravenclaws. Flitwick is Head of Ravenclaw House but he showed absolutely no favouritism towards the Ravenclaws either but we'll see now if the rumours are true. I walk into the class room and go to the back where Harry and Ron were seated beside an empty space which they had saved for her. Snape looked up from his desk and stood up.

"There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class. As such, I don't expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion-making. However, for those select few... " says Snape, locking eyes with Draco and smiling slightly. "Who possess, the predisposition... I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death." Snape notices Harry taking notes beside me. "Then again, maybe some of you have come to Hogwarts in possession of abilities so formidable that you feel confident enough to not pay attention!" He spat stepping over to Harry's desk and snatching up the sheet of paper. " Mister Potter. Our new celebrity. " His icy glare settled on Harrys face Harry stared up at Snape looking confused.

I read over the first chapter whilst Snape bombarded Harry with questions that Harry couldn't answer. Hermione's hand shot up for every question.

"Clearly fame isn't everything. Ten points from Griffindor. Maybe next time one of you'll be able to answer!"

I look in amazement, obviously Snape was very prejudice but Harry hadn't done anything wrong.

"Professor, I think Hermione knew the answers, sir," I inform him, in case he genuinely hadn't noticed but he glared.

"Another ten points from Griffindor, that'll teach you not to be so cheeky and rude Ms Malik." I roll my eyes and glare at my desk.

Finally class ended. I grab my books and get up to leave but Harry grabs my arm.

"Thanks for sticking up for me," he says and I smile back.

"No problem," I reply, smiling. "I want to get something from the library, I'll catch up with you guys later, ok?" I ask and Harry nods.

**Draco POV**

I couldn't help over hear Ellen telling Potter that she was going to the library and I couldn't resist the urge to follow her. I stay in the shadows untill we reached the hall then I match my pace with hers and walk beside her.

"I- I'm sorry I acted so rudely earlier. It was unfair of me, you didn't deserve it and I apologise," I say as sincerely as I possibly can, it took a lot out of me to apologise, I was never big on apologies. Ellen looks at me from under dark lashes, her beautiful blue eyes were wateryy, as if she was holding back tears. I can't help but notice how her curly dark her framed her face, falling to just bellow her shoulders.

"It's fine I guess," Ellen mutters, stopping to turn to look at me. My eyes search her face and I see a glimmer of hope in her eyes, hope for what I don't know.

"Ellen, will you please go for a walk with me?" I ask, I can hear a begging under tone to my voice. Ellen nods her consent and I head towards the door leading out of the castle and into the grounds. It isn't too cold outside and the sky is clear. The sun is shining but it's not really giving off any heat. As we walk down towards the lake I absent midedly reach for Ellen's hand. My fingers interlock with hers and I smile, actually smile, for the first time in quite a long time. With Ellen so close to me I felt elated and extremely happy.

When we reach the lake we sit on the bank. I keep her hand in mine, enjoying the wormth eminating from her.

"Ellen, I really am sorry I'm cold all the time. I've never really had any friends before and I grew up learning that muggles were scum and..." I look into Ellen's eyes again and a feeling I've never felt before flashed through me. I lean in to her, all most unconciously and she leans towards me instictively. The second my lips meet her the whole world melts away but only for a few seconds and when it comes back and I realise that I'm currently kissing Ellen Malik, and enjoying it and everything is enhansed. I pull away instantly dropping her hands.

"I can't believe I just kissed you. I am sorry but I cannot do this. You're a muggle born. My father would kill me if he ever found out. He'll use the cruciatus curse on me. I'm sorry," I say my eyes welling up with tears. I held them back until my back was turned away from Ellen. I walk away, finally letting the tears fall. I'd never felt about anyone the way I felt about Ellen but if my parents ever found out about my feelings for her we'd both be in trouble. Ellen ran after me. She finally knew why I was so cold to her all the time. She knew why I acted like I did. She knew more than anyone else has ever known about me and I want to let her comfort me. I want to let her hold me in her arms. I want to be allowed to love her but is it too Dangerous? Ellen catches up to me. There's noone else around.

"I'm sorry. I had no idea. I promise I'll never let anyone know what happened, ever. I understand. I want to help you... I can just be your friend and..." I turn around in a flash and captured her lips in mine, more definitely this time as this kiss was intended and it was to show her that I love her and that I know longer care what anyone thinks, I'd take the cruciatus curse for her any day. She is suprised at first but she quickly returns the kiss.

"I don't care about anything any more, Ellen, I think I Love you."

"I think I love you too."

**A/N:** So, was it good? Please review and leave your opinion, I'm open to constructive critisism :D Please Review :D

xxx


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